always take the plunge

Yesterday I sat on the shore and watched a woman standing in the water.

I had already been in. It was great.
But taking the plunge is always the hardest part.

As a frequent swimmer in the North Atlantic,  I prefer to dive right in, instead of standing and shivering. But as I sat drying off on the beach, I watched the woman stand and shiver, and I wanted to yell "Go ahead, it will be great once you're in"

I was reminded of a quote by Goethe
"Plunge boldly into the thick of life, and seize it where you will, it is always interesting. "
and suddenly this woman became a metaphor for Capital L Life.

But I didn't shout out.
Instead, I took her picture

smile though your heart is breaking

Today I woke up to a world without Robin Williams.
 It is a sadder place.

The news came down yesterday, status' and tweets flowing like falling like tears. One of our brightest, our greatest has gone.
And what makes it harder is that he chose to leave.

Robin Williams has been a part of our lives for so long, it's hard to imagine that this zany, manic magic man is no longer with us.

It would have been sad if he had died suddenly due to accident or illness, but the fact that he chose suicide seems unfathomable. It always does. It is hard to get your head around the fact that someone so gifted, who touched so many,  had  suffered those demons and let them take him away.

I am unhappy to say that I have lost people to suicide. I'm sadder to say that I can no longer count on one hand how many. Each one is devastating. Each one rips a piece of you. It doesn't become easier, it only becomes familiar.

Whenever this happens, we remind ourselves, each other,  to cherish each other, each moment. But still, we are never prepared. It is always a shock, even if it is not a surprise.

We think how sad it is that the person who touched so many, could feel so alone.
We wish they knew how much they were loved.

They do.
They just don't understand why.

When you stand on the edge of that cliff you have only two views: the endlessness below or the emptiness behind. You only have two choices: fall forward or fall back. And when you choose to fall forward, into the abyss, it is because the emptiness behind is heavier. And when you stand at that edge, it is the saddest, loneliest,  darkest place you could ever be.

There are those who say that suicide is selfish.
But it is intended as the most selfless of actions.
It is meant, not just to end the suffering, but to end the burden of those who love you. So they don't have to helplessly watch what you've become. Or stopped being. 


Someone very dear to me once told me that mental illness was a trickster, that it sent those dark voices to fool you, to take you, but you shouldn't listen.
I wish every day that he had taken his own advice. I wish they all had.
But one by one, the stars go out, and a bit more darkness is let into the world.
 And all we can do is fumble around, and try to remember the light.


Carpe Diem.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=veYR3ZC9wMQ