carpe diem and auld lang syne

This is the first morning of 2019.

I didn't hear the New Year, it crept in while I was sleeping.

It also brought the snow, so on this first morning, I get to watch it drop softly from the still-dark sky.


2018 left with a lot of retrospection.

It was a year of changes that led me to reassess. New Year's Eve can do that anyway, but this feels different.

It feels urgent. But not sudden.


Almost a year ago I was speaking with a friend. His life was coming to an end soon, and sometimes, in those times, we are granted gifts of clarity. I was talking about the job I was doing. I loved the work, the people, but I couldn't make it balance. It felt like all I did was work and sleep. It was then that my friend said to me, "You're making a living, but not a life".
In that instant, I fell into tears. Something in those words made a deep impact and a new year later, I'm unable to shake them.


We always hear the phrases seize the day, life is short, things could change in an instant... and we know them to be true, but not really. Not down deep where we register truth, that place somewhere below our ribs. Those words flutter down like the ashes of burnt pages until they settle and only then can they be gathered. Only then can you begin to sweep out what you no longer need.


More than anything I am hyper-aware of how little time we have in this world.
More than ever I want my time to be spent in meaningful ways.
I don't what that is yet, but I know it because it has settled in that place of truth.

Resolutions aren't my thing, though the start of a new year holds so much possibility. We sing Auld Lang Syne to remember days gone by and drink to old friends. We straddle the last day of the old year and the first of the new, somewhere between being prone to nostalgia and projecting what we hope will come. But we also must stand on firm and present ground.

Sometimes carpe diem means watching the snow fall on to the new year, wrapping your hands around a cup of fresh coffee and knowing that in this moment, you have all you need.