Year of Loss

There is something about New Year's Day that is so hopeful.

Last year, at the beginning of 2013 I was pumped.
I welcomed in the New Year with optimism and enthusiasm. 
It was like a new relationship that moved too quickly.
I believed it was special. But in the end, the year broke my heart.


It was a year of profound loss.
I lost friends. I watched friends watch loved ones suffer and be taken away.
I lost a relationship without warning, watched dreams vanish like steam on a mirror.


So, 2014, please understand if I am more than a little tentative.
Let's take our time. Let's not make promises we can't keep.
Let's get to know each other.
Let's be kind. 

Let's all make it out alive.

first sunrise of 2014

Time for a Cool Change

Yesterday marked the Summer Solstice.
It is always a day of celebration for me- welcoming Summer with a night on the beach.

The thing about nights at the beach, that I always seem to forget, is the dampness that sets in in the early hours of the morning. You would think I would know this, as I have had years of experience sleeping on beaches. I can't help myself. I would spend every waking and unconscious moment there if I could.
It is where I feel most exhilarated and the most calm. The feeling of peace is like no other.

Every time I am on the beach, a song by Australia's Little River Band plays in my head. I feel a breeze, whether the air is moving or still.

"I was born in the sign of water, 
and it's there that I feel my best..."

These lyrics hold true for me.


Last night on my favorite Nova Scotia  beach was exquisite.

We arrived at dusk, so we would have some light by which we could collect driftwood for the fire. This wasn't even a necessary factor.

The almost full-moon was so bright, it was hard to believe it was night-time. It started as silver, and as it moved across the sky, it darkened, and poured liquid gold into the water. It would be impossible for anyone to not stand in awe of this scene.
Certainly, anyone with poetry and sensitivity in their blood would fill and spill over with tears.

midnight on my favorite Nova Scotia beach

It filled me.
I found myself whispering thank you to anyone and anything might have been responsible for such perfection.
I whispered to the moon, the sea, the Universe, even to my own eyes for letting me see it. Breathed in deeply, as if trying to fill myself with the salt, the air, the light.
It filled me with gratitude for, and reminded me of, all the blessings in my life.

"It's kind of a special feeling, 
when you're out on the sea alone,
staring at the full moon like a lover"

It is true.
I am in love.
With the sea, the salt, the sand.
The moon.
With my friends, my partner, my life.
My self.

It has taken me a long time to be able to say that. And there may be a day when I don't feel that way. But I hope that the my loves- the sea, the salt, the sand, the moon.... will always be a reminder.

perfectly procrastinating peppers

Today I purchased a pack of peppers at Pete's.

One rogue red chili was hidden in amongst the green. 

I started to make a meal, but ended up making this picture instead.

one hundred and twenty six days

On January 1st of this year, I gave myself a task; a mission, if you will.

In trying to challenge myself creatively, I made a pact to take a photo a day. The subject and content doesn't matter. Even the quality doesn't really matter, as long as I have captured an image.
To this date, I have captured 126, and since this is the 126th day of 2013, I have managed to maintain the goal.
126 days, and I am already aware of the benefits of this project.

Even as a child, I saw everything in frames, as pictures, but it is even more so now.
My view changes angles, composition happens before my eyes. I feel more focused on what is around me.

But it also makes me complete a task, and these days, that is a task in itself.

When you see everything as a photograph, the next step is to find the next shot. I'm always looking. But more importantly, I'm always seeing. I'm seeing more.
It's also fun and interesting to go back from time to time, to the very first shot on New Year's Day, and follow the journey, day by day, for all one hundred and twenty six.
Some shots are funny, some quirky, some mundane.
Others are random, accidental, or taken with someone in mind.
But they all invoke a memory. They all return a piece of that day.

Sometimes I have something in mind, and sometimes, out of the clear blue, they are presented to me.
That was the story of today's shot.

While driving with friends through Grand Pre, in search of the Bay of Funday mud flats, I spotted these doors on the top of a hill.
It all felt a little Alice in Wonderland.
But I do love the shot.

It looked like a scene from one of my dreams.. or a Tim Burton movie. 

Be Nice

jussayin'

Margaret Atwood Says To Write Like it is Your Job

I'm trying Margaret.
Lawd knows, I'm trying.

oh my love, my darling, I've hungered for your touch

Sometimes you don't realize how noisy it is until you finally find the silence.
Sometimes you don't know how much you miss something until you get it back.
Or in my case, stand beside it again.


It has been months since I have been to the beach and I miss it.
I don't think I realized how much until I stood there yesterday.
Despite the rainy snow and snowy rain, it was glorious.


There is a certain smell of the air, and a certain feel on my skin that I cannot describe, but it brings me very close to tears.
It's as like  every pore, every cell has been thirsting, and you don't even know until you take a drink.

And so I stood, at the edge of the ocean, drinking it in through sight, smell, skin.
This is my center, my prayer, my church, my meditation.
This is my home.

All is right with the world.

Conrad Beach, Nova Scotia on March 2, 2013