unplugged

I unplugged

This long holiday weekend was spent with no phone or social media or access to news of any kind.
I lived in my little holiday bubble.

At first it seemed so simple, but then I realized I was automatically going to check email. I did this frequently. I made a conscious effort to note how many times I went to check email. Or Twitter. Or Facebook.
Conclusion: A lot.

At first I turned off the computer, but then realized that I could accomplish some writing and cleaning out photo libraries, so I turned off the wifi instead.

Here's what I did in just 24 hours:

Read, wrote, edited and cleared out hundreds of photos, cleaned out the fridge, laundry, cooked, baked, walked, organized, threw out a chair, sorted clothes, started a box for the thrift store, watched a marathon of the old Bewitched series (that's right,  I own the series... don't judge), slept


How I feel:

Amazing, accomplished, rested, calm.



The plan was to turn on and tune in today, but I have to say, I'm actually reluctant to reconnect. I'm dragging it out, the way an addict pushes for one more hour of sobriety, the way a runner pushes herself to just one more mile. Or at least as I imagine, having never been an addict or a runner. While I do not run  (couldn't even run for a donut) I do marathons of social media every day. It's part of my work, and as with most of us, part of my life.


This self-imposed retreat has been good for me.
Although I am solitary by nature, being alone really isn't the same with the reach of those social tentacles.

Maybe I'll just give it another hour...


UPDATE..
Well I did turn on the phone eventually to 17 texts and my email blew up. But qu'elle suprise, nobody died.
It was worth every unplugged minute

giving thanks (thankfully) alone

I'm off people.

Nothing is wrong.
I'm not sad or blue. Or worse.
I am simply recharging.

Life can get so congested and clogged with people; with energy. Good, bad, negative, positive, it doesn't much matter. I find it all draining. And it is difficult to explain that without hurt feelings, misunderstanding and concern that it is something more.

It isn't.

I am an introvert.
Many people find that surprising because my work is so very social, my personality outgoing.
I work hard at it. It isn't fake, but sometimes it is forced.
Other introverts get it. It's not that we are anti social, but socializing drains us. Extroverted personalities seem to thrive on the company of others. Introverts like me, not so much.

I am an emotional sponge, absorbing the energies of those around me. Not in an airy-fairy way. Or maybe it is. I struggle to explain how exhausting I find it to be around others for long periods of time. It doesn't matter the person- someone close to me, someone I've just met. People I love.
It's not you, it's me. Conversation (especially small talk) is consuming. I develop Screaming Head. This is what happens inside while the outside smiles and nods and says "No!".. "Really?" "Interesting".. and whatever acceptable one-liners I can use to deflect. Inside I am screaming "Shut Up. Shut. Up. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. " with no mouth because the mouth is too busy smiling.

This weekend was to be spent in the company of life long friends I consider extended family.
I was looking forward to being in the old farmhouse, to taking drives and photographing but then extra cousins and girlfriends of cousins and sisters of girlfriends of cousins were also coming to share our Thanksgiving weekend.

So I bailed.
The dynamic of my restful weekend changed with this information. At first, I didn't react. But my body did.
Without realizing it, my stomach, which is the center where the truth sits in me, started to ache. I didn't pay much attention but it sat quietly twisting while I couldn't quite put my finger on it. At some point I realized I was anxious. I was sweating. It didn't take long to figure out why.
In the past I would have gone anyway, to avoid disappointing people and disrupting plans. But I would have spent a weekend being miserable on the inside, fighting panic and
Screaming Head would happen.


I've shut off the phone. I didn't shut off the computer, as I do want to catch up on some writing, but I am avoiding all Social Media and news.

It is about Self Care. It is about knowing that next week I return to a busy pace and the energies of many and that in order to do that, I need to do this.


I am Thankful.

I am thankful for solid people in my life who are accommodating even if they don't quite get it, who try not to take it personally and respect my boundaries.

I am thankful for liking my own company, for needing to be alone and listening to my gut.

I am thankful for overcast, windy Autumn Sundays, for CBC Classical stations, for puttering around the house and for the smell of my own little Thanksgiving dinner roasting in the oven. For multicoloured carrots and squash and apples and all the other products of the Harvest.

too bad the internets hasn't figured out scratch n sniff yet..

And I'm thankful for world that still wants me in it, even though I withdraw so often.

moments of magic

January 9 was a pretty ordinary day.
As I sat writing at my desk in the early morning, I happened to glance up to see the outside reflected; a snowglobe inside a snowglobe. It looked so pretty I had to stop to take a picture.

I love how the tiniest moments can insert little pieces of wonder into an ordinary day.